Invisible 

Alone. Yes, that’s the keyword , the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn’t hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym. – Stephen King

In the moment:

I feel so alone…like no one can relate to the battles I go through inside my head. I become isolated from friendship groups. This leaves me with questions: What’s wrong with me? Why does everyone find it so easy to ignore me? Do I even exist? Not only have I felt lonely despite being surrounded by people but I also have felt lonely in my own company.

Maybe that’s why I try to be nice to a lot of people or if I see anyone that I think is alone I make an extra effort because I know what it feels like to feel and be alone and wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.

Reflection:

Having social anxiety can to my mind enhance these feelings and the questions I have; it can be the fuel added to my train wreck of thoughts. I’ve come to realise, even though there have been times when I’ve been isolated from groups, I also never make it easy for myself by isolating myself completely and thinking that’s dealing with the situation well. – I can be very stubborn –

Backstory:

I’ve only started to have problems with feeling left out of friendship groups in university. I think some people will be able to relate. The times where you’re in your room or passing by in the corridors and you can hear other people laughing and talking-sometimes it can feel really shitty. It would only happen sometimes and usually I would just go to my friends and we’d talk and laugh and everything would be fine. Just once i have a negative feeling it’s difficult for me to shake it off even when it’s not a big deal.

Comment if you’ve felt like this and if you enjoy reading these posts,

See you soon (:

 

 

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